My Sweet Lavinia
by brucasfanatic
Summary: How much of an impact did Lucas really have on Brooke's life? Epi 410 with actual Brooke in it. For those of us who were utterly disgusted by Mark's unashamed brush off of the BL relationship. Major BP friendship. BLish.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: If I had anything to do with OTH I would introduce Mark with the concept of consistency and teach him a thing or two about the danger of obsessing over a co-worker.**

If you dont like A/Ns, skip to the second section under this. It's important for you to understand the fic.

Hello all. I know, I know. What the HECK am I doing starting a new story when I've never finished one? Well folks, the answer to that is I have finally gotten over this fandom. Yup. I know, its sad. I just stopped giving a damn somewhere back after 316. I realized that no matter how much I love Brooke and BL, Mark will never be professional/mature enough to treat them fairly. For all of you no-longer-BL-fans, I'm not entirely surprised. The man (Mark) REFUSED to go anywhere with them, let alone explore their relationship passed the insecurity issues. I wont even start on S4. But anyways, the point is, this is my last sort of hurrah! A goodbye present to my all time favourite character, Brooke Davis and my all time obsessive-worthy couple, BL.

Enjoy.

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Notes:

Text in Italics are Keith and Lucas' (souls?) p.o.v.

Bolded Italics: Lucas and Keith p.o.v. in flashbacks.

Regular Text: All other characters

Bolded Regular: Other character's in flashbacks.

get it? got it? good. thumbs up

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What is Lucas' number one dignified trait? His hero complex, right? That he cares for everyone, sees everyone's pain. Even pitied and saved Dan on several occasions? So explain to me then, why--_how_ Lucas failed to acknowledge or even deem it necessary to mention Brooke _once _when she was clearly breaking down along with Precious Peyton and the rest of the gang..._Exactly._

Anyways...just one of the things that bugged me. And no, this wont be a Peyton-bashing fic.

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Desperate. _Reckless because of despair or urgency, brought on by a sense of hopelessness._ To feel weak. To _be_ powerless. It is an emotion that takes hold of you in times of crisis. Where your entire life has been put into question: like the people you are loyal to, or the dreams you aspired to, or the God that you pray to.

"_Please God,"_ He sat on the front bench in the chapel. It was a place he wasn't all too familiar with, having opted to sit at the back in hopes of sneaking out or dozing off when his parents dragged him to church on Sundays.

But this, today, was so different, he knew. Before there wasn't that sense of urgency that hung thick in the air around him; that feeling of helplessness that seemed to be drowning him.

Before, Nathan Scott had never needed anyone to turn to.

"Please don't let Haley pay for my mistakes."

It was terrifying, he thought idly as he looked up at the towering cross; the idea of putting your entire trust into something you can't see but could so undoubtedly feel. He'd never considered himself religious before now. There was too much bullshit in his life for him to believe there could be some higher-intelligence behind it. Yet he still found himself begging that same higher-power in his greatest time of need.

"I've done things in my life that I'm not proud of, but if there is one thing I've done right by, it was Haley." His voice this time was forceful, confident. Unwilling to even allow God to challenge him on this fact. He believed this more than he believed in his need to breathe, or even his right to live.

"She is the reason why I'm still here, God." It was a lost cause, the tears were spilling freely now. "She's the one that saved me, Lord. And it kills me that I wasn't able to do the same for her so please…_please _don't take her away from me." he could hear his father scold him for sounding so pathetic, and wondered why he was thinking about such trivial matters at such a time.

"I know that I don't deserve you're help…but you have to know that I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't want to work with Danton and his men but I swear to you I had no other choice." His voice was but a whisper, unsteadied by his despair-racking body.

Nathan took a deep breath, taking solace in the soundless, empty chapel. Forcing himself to calm down he looked back at the symbol with renewed determination.

"It's my fault." His voice was stronger now, confident. "I went to Danton. I took money I couldn't pay back, not Haley. I decided not to lose the match. I killed the hit man. It's not fair that Haley or our child should be punished for it! _Do you hear me_? It's not!" he punched the wooden bench at his side and never even felt it splinter.

"_This isn't fair." Lucas sat two benches behind his brother, watching as he let himself fall apart. He wasn't sure if he still had a heart in the condition he was in, but he couldn't help but feel something being ripped apart inside him. He turned to his guardian angel._

"_It's not fair that this is happening to them."_

"_What's not fair?" Though Keith's heart was aching at the image of his despairing nephew, he presented an image of absolute calm._

"_All of it! Nathan and Haley? They were happy. Finally, they were together, starting a family and truly happy. They don't deserve what's happening to them." _

_Keith sighed and looked at his younger nephew. He understood Lucas' anger, he used to think the same way back on earth…but it was so different once you left..._

"_They're not the only ones suffering, Luke." _

"_Yeah? You think?" He couldn't control the anger in his voice. He could feel his anger mounting as he thought more about the situation."Have you even seen Peyton?! She's already been through so much this year. Found out she was adopted, her second mother's death, stalked by her supposed brother, lost her real brother, been shot…what more does she have to go through?!"_

_Keith studied his adoptive son thoughtfully. "I wont deny the girl's gone through quite a bit of trauma." _

_Lucas let out an uncharacteristic bitter laugh. "Yeah, and Jimmy was just a little upset the day he killed you." They both stayed quiet for a while, Lucas refusing to meet Keith's piercing gaze. After a moment, still not looking at the man who was his true father, he spoke calmly._

"_And what about mom?" his voice was weak, cracking. He could feel Keith's body tense beside him. "She'd lost so much her entire life. She just lost you, and now has to raise your child on her own, again. How does it make sense that she'd lose her only living children as well?" he turned to his uncle, angry again. "What good does all her hard work do, if she just continues to be hurt? What's the point of being good in the world if all it gives you back is more and more suffering?!" _

"_Do you really believe that, Luke?" _

_The younger blonde was getting furious at his uncle's casual response. _

"_Yes, Keith. I believe it" he bit out. "And if this shit continues, Peyton and Nathan and my mom wil—"_

"It was you?"

_Lucas' head snapped up to locate the sound of the voice. He knew who it was before he even saw her, the thick rasp in her almost inaudible voice indicating her distressed state. And surely enough, there stood Brooke Davis framed in the chapel door way, trembling with absolute fury. _

_Her murderous glare was met with his brother's shocked one, and Lucas looked beside him to see Keith stare at the quivering brunette with a knowing gaze. It wasn't the first time that night he suspected that his uncle knew a lot more than he let on. _

"_You_." Brooke pointed an accusing finger at the only other occupant in the room, her voice a venomous hiss. "How dare you, you bastard!" she seethed. She took defiant strides forwards, and Lucas was suddenly very worried for his brother.

"Brooke wha—"

"It's your fault!" This time, she screeched. Nathan winced visibly, though whether it was from the volume of her voice or from the implications of her words, Lucas wasn't sure.

"You did this, Nathan. You almost killed your wife—I can't _believe_ you actually took the deal!"

Nathan felt his heart shatter. He knew what Brooke said was true but it hurt so much more to hear it affirmed. If he was the old Nathan, he wouldn't have stood for the way Brooke was yelling at him. If he was still whole, he would have bitched back until he saw her cry for mercy. But that Nathan was gone. Dead, at the first sight of Haley's fragile body smashing into the speeding car.

"I _warned_ you, Nathan. I told you this shit with Danton would blow up in your face! And now it's killing your wife and unborn child!" her voice was laced with poison, revealing her obvious intent to hurt him in the worst way possible.

She was pissed.

She was terrified.

And she didn't give a damn.

"I know that Brooke…" Nathan's voice was the complete opposite of his attacker's: cracked, hoarse, weak, defeated. He looked down on the ground ashamedly.

His response was a loud, unflattering snort. "Oh you know, do you? Well, as long as you're willing to admit your mistakes then everything should just be fine and dandy." Nathan shot her a warning glare. She was _mocking_ him? At such a time this bitch was mocking _him_?

"_So….Brooke's very scary, when she's angry…" Keith and Brooke had gotten extremely close while she and Lucas had first dated. The only time he'd seen her this angry was when she found out he was driving when Lucas was in the accident. _

"_No…" Keith took note of his nephew's wistful tone. "She's just scared." Keith nodded in understanding before looking back at the firing brunette. _

"_It's still scary though." Lucas chuckled._

"And what about your brother, huh?" Somewhere at the back of Nathan's mind he imagined Brooke's horrified expression if she'd seen how much like a tomato she resembled at that moment.

"As if he hasn't had enough to deal with since the shooting!" Nathan sprung from his seat and stood no farther than a foot from the screaming cheerleader.

"Damn it! Don't you think I know that, Brooke?!" She ignored him.

"And have you bothered to look outside, Nathan? Have you seen Karen? Or Peyton? They're sitting like broken dolls out there! They don't fucking deserve this!"

"It's not like I wanted this to happen, alright!" Nathan brushed shaking fingers through jet black slicks of hair. "I was desperate! You know that! You heard how nervous Haley was when she found out we didn't have the money to support the baby."

"But _why_ would you go to a mob gang, Nathan. Why couldn't you just go to Dan?"

"Are you seriously asking me that, Brooke?" she gulped. Her exterior calming as her fury slowly ebbed away.

"But there _had_ to have been another way, Nate." Her tone of defeat was not one Nathan was used to.

"There just wasn't, alright?!" he was frustrated now, barely controlling his rumbling rage.

Brooke watched him as he slumped back on the bench, head hidden in his large hands. She regarded him for a moment. He'd been the most constant male figure in her life, their parents being 'best buddies' since they were kids. Really, it was about prominent association, the two richest families building a union of sorts. And the tradition had passed on to the two competitive brunettes.

The only real emotion Brooke could feel right then was rage. She refused to acknowledge any of the other feelings plaguing her at that moment, past cases teaching her that it was easier just to focus on one at a time. The level of anger overwhelmed her, and in the back of her mind she recognized that it was because it had no real focus. She knew she couldn't keep on blaming Nathan for what happened; she wasn't entirely sure if the accident was the only reason for it. But those kinds of thoughts ventured on dangerous territories, so she ignored them.

It was then Brooke suddenly thought of Haley. Her little tutor girl, who was lying in that bed so fragile and bruised, trying to survive not only for herself, but for the baby boy that they all already loved so dearly. She remembered the day Haley told her that she was pregnant: she had been the first to find out. Before Lucas. **B**efore Karen. Before even Nathan. She remembered how she selfishly held on to Haley's predicament to escape her own. After all, having your first child at the age of 17 is a much more pressing issue than losing your first and only real love to your lying, deceiving ex-best friend…..again.

Brooke's eyes softened as she looked at the teenage father, finally realizing that her self-centeredness had shown its ugly face again. She sighed before tentatively inching to sit beside her previous prey. When he didn't snap up—or rather, when he didn't move, Brooke sighed and looked at their surroundings. It was a room she'd been in many a times before, frequent hospital visits being a determining factor in this small town.

"She wants to name him Balboa." She said after a few moments of silence. Nathan's head snapped up, a confused expression finding the mumbling brunette sitting inches beside him.

"What?"

Brooke turned to him with a nonchalant look. "You're Wife? She's planning on naming your kid after a boxing movie hero."

The three Scotts burst out laughing. "Wha….why?" Brooke rolled her eyes, failing miserably at trying to hide her laughter.

"Cause she wants him to be a boxer." she said this as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. This seemed to sober Nathan up right away.

"Haley….wants _our_ son, to be a boxer?" Brooke shrugged, still giggling.

"She thinks it's a hell of a lot safer than basketball." The brunettes laughed out loud.

_Keith and Lucas exchanged amused looks._

Nathan shook his head. "The poor kid. School bullies would eat him alive with that one." Brooke nodded eagerly.

"Rock brain, Rocky, Rocky Road, Rookie, Balboo—"

"—and its official: We are _not_ naming my child after a movie character." Brooke giggled.

"I'd _love _to see you try and convince Tutor Wife." Nathan went pale, Brooke laughed.

"Since when was Haley interested in boxing movies, anyways?"

"Oh…She's not." Nathan glared at her slowly flushing face. "Heh… I kind of suggested it."

"Brooke!"

"What?! I never thought she was actually serious!"

"It's Haley!"

"Well! I—yeah." She had the grace to look sheepish. "Oh _whatever_. I could've told her to name it Mohammed Ali or something."

"I would've liked that!" Brooke rolled her eyes but didn't say anything.

After a few minutes in silence, she looked over at her companion to see him wearing a worried expression on his face. She sighed.

"Nathan….I'm sure Haley will be fine..." he chuckled sadly.

"Have you seen her, Brooke?" she looked away to hide the tears that sprung to her eyes. "And even if you're right…wha—what about our child, Brooke? How can I tell my wife that I killed our first child?"

"You didn't kill him, Nathan!" Tears vanished, determined voice. "You didn't. Balboa still has a heart beat." Nathan was too hopeful to notice the use of the name. "It's still alive and kicking, Nathan. An—And Haley, she's the strongest girl I know, alright? She might look small and fragile but she's a stubborn chick that can pack a punch to leave you nestling bruises for weeks." Nathan chuckled and Brooke smiled when she saw some life flood back into his eyes.

"They'll be fine, Nate. Haley wouldn't miss out on a chance to be mommy. We've already planned it all out."

"Was this the same plan that included naming him Balboa?"

Brooke paused. "Yes."

"Then that's not very reassuring." The head cheerleader rolled her eyes and huffed. The two sat in comfortable silence, thinking over everything that was happening while looking up at the Holy Cross.

"He'll pull through too, you know." Brooke tilted her head slightly towards him, but continued to look at the Devine symbol.

"Lucas. He's pretty stubborn too." Brooke smiled sadly.

"You should go tell that to Peyton." When Nathan gave her a look she continued, "She thinks she's cursed." Brooke rolled her eyes realising she couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice. Pity Party Motto #122: Curse of the Misunderstood Home Wrecker.

_Lucas immediately began to worry. He knew that the accident would have a traumatizing affect on Peyton. He knew about her fear of letting people in, feeling that they all died like flies around her._

"_I should go check on Peyton." He said suddenly, and Keith turned sharply to look at him._

"_She's fine, Luke." His voice was stern and he glanced quickly at the crest-fallen brunette. _

"_How can you say that, Keith? You heard what Brooke said about her."_

_Keith sighed, it seemed Lucas only caught on when things were spelled out for him. _

"_Look, Peyton is hurting just like the rest of your friends and family. But not everyone who is in pain makes it obvious, Luke." He paused for effect, but from the look his nephew gave him, he knew it was useless. He sighed, defeated. "Brooke already called Jarry and he's coming down."_

_Lucas calmed down and sat back on his seat. "Alright. I'm glad she has someone." _

_His uncle smiled softly. "She always will, son."_

Nathan considered her a moment. Her usually sleek and shining hair fell around her shoulders in a dull mass. She had no makeup on, and he could tell from the rings around her eyes that she hadn't slept in a long time. It was a Brooke Davis unlike he'd ever seen before, and he wondered how many times he'd missed this side of her.

"Davis, are you okay?" Brooke jumped in shock, apparently having been in her own little world.

"What? Me? Oh, I'm fine, Nate! I mean, I can't exactly complain with all the dying, injured and sick surr—ohmiggosh!" Brooke's hands flew towards her rambling mouth and she looked at Nathan in horror. "I'm so sorry, Nathan. I tend to speak faster than my mind could follow sometimes and—are you _laughing_ at me?"

Nathan took a while to regain his composure. "Calm down, Davis. I know what you meant." Brooke sighed in relief. "Anyways, I'll go and talk to Peyton. But just in case you were wondering," he gave her a knowing look, "Lucas will make it through this. I promise." Brooke nodded slowly and sent a small smile his way.

"I'll let you have some privacy." He smiled back and walked out of the chapel, leaving a frazzled brunette alone with 2 Scott souls.

_Lucas had just stopped laughing to see his ex-girlfriend's expression change to one of anxiety as she was left alone in the chapel. He watched as she looked up at the cross, an intent look crossing her features mixed with a sort of awe and incredulity. He remembered them talking about religion and how she never really had one. It was only one of the things that made them so different. They were opposites, through and through, with only two hearts to connect them._

Brooke stared at the cross for several long minutes that seemed to pass along like hours. She wasn't all unfamiliar with situations like these: where she'd find herself staring at an idea of an ever-watchful being at a time of crisis. She wasn't sure whether He ignored her pleas completely or simply took pleasure in twisting them around to taunt her. But she'd always leaned more towards the latter. She knew she wasn't exactly the best Christian or Muslim or Jew or whatever other religion that worshiped Him. She was a Karma devote, and Brooke Davis was quite sure she'd built up enough bad karma to warrant a swift bite in the ass.

_Lucas' unconsciously squinted as he watched her continue to stare dumbly at the Chapel head. He couldn't remember a time where he'd seen her so lost, looking so small and fragile as she did right at that moment. He wasn't entirely sure if she was even breathing, her posture firm and rigid against the bench. _

"_What's wrong with her?" _

_Keith turned a sorrow filled gaze towards his adoptive son._

"_I can show you…" Lucas gave him a questioning look, before he was distracted again by a stranger entering the chapel._

Brooke watched as the grieving mother, sister, daughter or wife spilled in through the door. Her face was totally passive, a nonchalant mask as she watched the woman throw herself on the bench in a sobbing heap and start begging the carved figure above.

_Bright Flash_

_**He could tell he was in the same chapel. Despite the different sets of flowers and religious symbols here and there the pale pink wall paper still cast a reassuring calmness throughout the room. The half-human sized sculpture of the Crucified Son towered in the centre of the room with Mary a few feet to its right. Lucas could tell that it was the same small chapel of Tree Hill General Hospital that he was in just moments before, only it seemed to be in the past. As though in someone's memory…**_

_**In the centre of the room crouched a young girl that could be no older than 10. Her dark auburn hair fell over her shoulders in a long shiny mane as she held her hands together in prayer and tilted her head upwards.**_

"…_**and I promise, if you let us keep Mrs. Sawyer, I'll give my Victorian doll house Grandma left me to that poor family down the street. Amen."**_

_Bright Flash_

**A 9 year old Brooke stood beside a quietly sobbing Peyton as the last of the coffin disappeared from view underground.**

_Bright Flash_

**It was the only time Brooke had done this outside a chapel. Telephone placed right at her side, she curled herself into a ball on Peyton's, her best friend, her sister's bed and held her knees tightly to her chest rocking gently, whispering towards the ceiling.**

"**God, please let Papa Peyton be alright. Please, for Peyton, let him be okay."**

_Bright Flash_

_**Lucas had never seen the way the life in Brooke's eyes died when she watched that fateful kiss on his computer screen. **_

_Bright Flash_

**Brooke remembered the chapel being dark, lit only by the fire of the mass of candles arranged in the front of the room. Her 16 year old timid looking self sat with tear stained cheeks staring at the flame of the center candle.**

"**So Lucas says I should turn to you if I ever need something." Her voice was raspy. She choked down a sob, and looked up at the calming figure. "Well I **_need_** him to make it." She took a shaky breath. "We all do."**

_Bright Flash _

_**Lucas felt bile rise in his throat as he recalled the scene in Brooke's memory. **_

"_**He meant everything to me, Peyton. And I was ready to give him space if that's what he wanted." Her voice was barely a whisper, but it seemed to carry through the room with an echo. It was steady; calm, like, she was ending a simple business transaction. **_

"_**Now I don't really care if I ever see either of you again." **_

_Bright Flash_

**It was the most terrifying night of her life. She was **_**late**_**. She was **_**two weeks**_** late . She could remember her sweat dripping as the nurse took a sample of her blood. This would be the day to end the rest of her life. **

_**Lucas never told her that he'd seen her. He'd just turned around when he saw her dash out of the bathroom and take a left turn towards the chapel. It surprised him even then, he knew Brooke wasn't religious. **_

**The impact with which she threw herself on her knees in front of the chapel caused her to bruise her shins, but she didn't even feel the pain as she glared through unshed tears at the towering statue.**

"_**Don't you **__dare__**." Her venomous hiss was full of contempt.**_

_Bright Flash_

_**Lucas couldn't remember a second visit to the clinic. Looking around he realized that it was because he wasn't with her on this particular one. He could see her hands trembling on her lap, her face void of emotion, her head forced to look straight at the sympathizing doctor who sat directly across the table.**_

"**Do you have someone we could call?"**

"**No." She answered truthfully. "Now what does it mean?"**

**The doctor paused, and hesitated before sucking in a deep, shaky breath. **

"**I'm afraid my dear, you are infertile."**

_Bright Flash_

**She'd promised herself she would never do this again. But there she was finding herself looking towards the skies pleading for someone—**_**anyone**_** to hear her.**

_**She was hysterical.**_

_**Lucas finally realized how much of an ass he was by thinking she didn't suffer because she wasn't in the school.**_

"_**Please…God…don't hurt them. Please let them be okay, please, please, please don't take them away…I'll do anything, **__oh God__**..." She leaned on the pole for support, and allowed herself to break down.**_

_Bright Light_

"**The kiss with Peyton meant nothing, Brooke." She could hear the desperation in his voice to make her believe him.**

"**A kiss **_**always**_** means something." She whispered.**

_Lucas felt himself suddenly shift back into his original setting. He looked up to find Keith staring intently at him._

"_What the fuck was that?!" Keith turned his attention back to the person whose memories they'd just evaded._

Brooke continued to stare as the desperate woman pleaded for her sister's life. It disgusted her on some level that this woman was putting so much faith into something that would never be. He'd never heard her. He'd never helped her. _He_ was never there to begin with. It was all so—

"Useless."

She didn't realise she'd said it out loud.

She didn't register the bitter finality in her tone.

She didn't even notice the shocked look of the pleading woman's face.

She just shot up from her seat and walked out the door.

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_Promised I will find a little solace  
And some peace of mind  
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so  
Desperate and ravenous,  
So weak and powerless_

_---TBC_

_There it is. The prologue. It's going to make sense with on coming chapters, I promise. Hope you liked it. Comments, suggestions, and constructive criticisms are REALLY appreciated! Sorry for any mistakes, i'm still looking for a beta...so if you're interested, message me!_

_R&R!_

_3_


	2. The Noose

**I know I've said this before, but there was a point between, say, November and March 28th that I'd completely given up on Brooke/BL/OTH. Once I read that Brooke was PRO!L!P! a.k.a. Cheating Cheerleader #130 I decided that this show was going down such steep downward spiral that it would be nothing short of pathetic if I continued watching and put my faith in the writers. And with that realization went away not only my love for BL, but even my love for Brooke. She was no longer a real character to me, so I just wasn't invested in the show...at all. I haven't even read any fanfiction in a while!! Let alone wrote it...**

**so yeah, now you know why. of course there was university and switching over and life and stuff but everyone uses that excuse. So, anyways, I dont know how it happened, but I found myself on fanforum again one day--oh yeah! it was because I wanted to show my support to my new fab couple: Jay&Manny from Degrassi!! (check them out! they're a teenage lovestory done in 30 minutes lolz). Right, so, I was there for May, but then...of course..I wandered...into certain BL spoiler threads and support threads, which led me to read a bunch of new stuff that happened, which made me go on youtube to check it out, which made me fall in love with Lucas&Lindsey AND renewed my love for BL but still didn't exactly renew my obsession with Brooke--who, infact, WAS PRO!L!P!. And yeah...here I am. **

**This chapter was terrible for me to write. I had--literally, 6 different versions before I finally settled on this one. There was actually supposed to be more scenes to it, but I just found that it dragged on WAY too long. So, i'll just move that stuff over to another chapter...which leads me to my next subject: I NEED A BETA!! I had sorta one lined up a long time ago but its been a while and she/he hasn't even been able to update their fabulous stuff so i figure they're busy...anyone interested? )**

**I have another chapter I'll post in two weeks.**

Enjoy.

Italics: Lucas and Keith in Dream World.  
BoldItalics: Dream Lucas' memories.  
Normal: characters outside of dreamworld.

--

One of the things I love most about our favourite couple is that they are REALISTIC. They bitch, they cry, they play, they laugh, they drive each other crazy. They learn from each other, they balance each other, they make the other stronger. They also make mistakes, hurt one another, sometimes hate. _They_are real. Their love is **life**. And with that thought in mind my faithful readers, we begin...

--

_If you had asked Lucas Scott exactly what he was feeling the moment the chapel door slammed shut behind the broken brunette's figure, you wouldn't get mu__ch more than the blank stare that__ sculptured his face. _

_Shock.__ Shock was a definite candidate. If the stupid look on his face wasn't enough of an indication then his __statu__t__e like form should've sealed the deal.__ He sat staring at nothing at all, afraid to flinch, unable to breathe._

_Confusion?__ That probably fit the bill a little more. __Whirls of memories both of he and Brooke rushed unbidden through his already aching head. Emotions he__'d__ once stood so oblivious to suddenly presented themselves in all their perfectly anguished __glory._

_**"Look we didn't plan any of this. It**__** just happened."**_

___**"Go to hell." **_

_**X**_

_**"I fought for you, but you never fought for me."**_

_**"And I'm not going to."**_

_Actions that once held no basis seemed to pull together in obvious justification; __the thought of ever denying them left a foul taste in his dry mouth._

_The constant verbal attacks._

_The overbearing hostility._

_The lies, the deceit.__ The pregnancy scare—_

_**"…you a**__**re infertile."**_

Pain.

_Lucas unconsciously __frowned. He ne__ver expected the impact of the situation to hit him as hard __as it did.__ Nights of imagining his future life with Brooke forc__ed__ their distort__ed images into his inn__er eye. There would be no dirty-__blonde children with piercing blue eyes and dimples that would raise the dead. No fights about whether their son would end up a sports star or a model for Clothes Over Bros fashion line—which skyrocketed about the end of their senior year of college, after they had their 2__nd__ child, daughter—— _

_Lucas started. It was the first movement he'd made since Brooke made her sudden escape. Why was he thinking of a future with Brooke? They were over. __Done__ with. Finished. __Overrated. __Finito._

_Better yet, why was he thinking of it as though it'd already happened?_

_"It's normal." Lucas snapped up to meet his __u__ncle's understanding soft brown gaze. "__That was a big part of your life Lu__ke. __There was a time where you really believed it, hoped for it. And this new realization directly affects that.__" Lucas could only nod as he contemplated his father's wisdom. _

_**"Do I get to be part of this world?"**_

_**"The biggest part."**_

_She was definitely a big part of his world. Despite what happened recen__tly it was something he could never__ deny. He remembered when he'd try and talk about their future life together and she'd automatically tense whenever he'd get to children. She'd __laugh it off__ and say she would never be able to stand the screaming. And he'd sigh, wondering whether or not this particular difference would drive them apart._

_**"Why didn't you tell me about the kiss? And why wouldn't you call me while you were away and why wont you ever just let me all the way in?"**_

_He wasn't exactly sure whether__ the rush of anger he felt was completely rational. _

_All he could tell was that it was blinding, taking over his entire person __like some sort of natural disaster. __He'd spent days after the wedding mulling over her heartbroken words. Weeks of self-loathing following their break up defined his days as he blamed himself for the way he'd shut her out. She made him believe it was his fault, that he and he alone was the only one responsible for the death of their love. That he'__d let her go again._

_When all the time it'd been her that was completely closed out, completely shut down. How could she have kept something so crucial from him? After all they'd been through? She said she needed him but never once showed it; asked him to let her in but refused to do the same. _

_Lucas let out a bitter chuckle. How were they__ ever__ supposed to last with her being so God-damn guarded? Didn't he do enough to prove to her she could trust him? Didn't she know that at a second__'__s notice he'd leave all that he was doing if she'd given any inclination that she needed him?_

_**Lucas held her head gently against his chest, inhaling her cherry-blossom **__**scented hair. He couldn't help but chuckle lightly to himself. This girl took more out of him than he'd ever thought was possible. He nuzzled her neck and took in a deeper breath.**_

_**He wouldn't have it any other way.**_

_**"I missed you." She whispered,**____** voice filled with emotion. **_

**_Lucas pulled back and showed her a loving smile. He missed her to, more than she could imagine. A noise behind them caught his attention, and he turned to look at an escaping Peyton. He sighed._**

**_"I better go check on her. She was really out of it yesterday." He saw Brooke nod her head out of the corner of his eyes as he turned towards the broken blonde._**

**_"You're not exactly the most perceptive person, are you?" _**

_"Huh?" Lucas snapped out of his memory at his Uncle's intruding echo. _

_They were back in the chapel. Sitting in the same exact positions they were in just a moment before. Lucas shook his head, trying to understand why such a memory suddenly invaded his thoughts. He looked up at the only other occupant in the room._

_"Keith, wha—what're you doing?"_

_Keith regarded him a moment, not entirely sure whether or not his adoptive son was ready for what he was about to see. _

_"I'm helping you open your eyes, Luke." Lucas squinted, feeling more and more positive that this was all some sort of dream. It was way too Supernatural to be real..._

_Keith suddenly stood up._

_"Where're you going?" _

_His father-turned-guiding-angel looked over his shoulder, not faltering in his step. "Follow me." _

_And he was out the door._

_Lucas struggled not to try and pinch himself awake. Hesitating only briefly, he stood up from his seat and walked unsteadily towards the chapel door. _

_Just like the first time, the door opened not to a hallway filled with worry stricken loved ones like it was supposed to, but to an entirely different place—time, all together. As soon as Lucas walked into the Forest Rose coloured hallway he knew what he was about to see. _

"I missed you."

_He turned shocked eyes towards the scene that'd just invaded his memory only moments before. _

"I missed you," she said again.

_Lucas unconsciously stepped closer towards the two embracing lovers. His eyes squinted as he tried to make out the earnest expression on Brooke's face. She looked scared, confused, longing. Was it the same in his memory?_

Lucas pulled back—

_It was gone. She had the same tiny smile he remembered. Her eyes a little less bright but he just thought it was because of what she had walked in on. _

Lucas turned at the sound of door being shoved open, and he saw Peyton's heaving figure run away. He sighed and turned back quickly.

"I better go check and her, she was really out of it yesterday." And he turned to leave.

_All Lucas could remember was the bounce in Brooke's tight curls as she nodded that he could see form his peripheral vision. But looking at her now, seeing the way her face fell the very moment he turned away from her, he couldn't understand how'd he could have missed it._

As soon as he'd turn away from her, Brooke let the small smile that had crept its way onto her face fall, a pained expression replacing her perfect features. She took a step, subconsciously, towards him; face set in an expectant expression as though she were about to call after him.

She was hesitating, fighting an inner battle that would determine who exactly Lucas cared more about. She seemed to catch herself going after them. A split second passed before she consciously stepped back to her original position, an accepting look painting her face.

Sighing heavily, she slowly turned and walked away.

_"Would it have killed you to say it back?"_

_Lucas jumped involuntarily, his uncle's sudden appearances racking his barley beating heart._

_"Jesus, Keith. Warn a guy before you give him a heart attack, will ya?" _

_"You technically already had one." Lucas rolled his eyes, choosing not to respond._

_After a moment's pause, he couldn't ignore the uneasy feeling that was brought on by his uncle's comment. _

_"And she knew I missed her." When no response came, he turned towards Keith._

_"She did." His defensive tone was more to convince himself rather than his uncle._

_Keith merely sighed. "You saw her face, Luke."_

_"Look, you don't understand, alright? Brooke and I, we understood each other. There were times where no words were passed between us, and that would be okay, it would be fine for us." _

_" I'm not saying you didn't have that." He gave his son a steady look to calm him down."I've seen what you and Brooke could be like. But you also need to understand that sometimes you needed to give just a little bit more, Luke." Lucas just looked frustrated, making up Keith's mind. _

_"I really didn't want this to drag out, but I guess I'll have to show you." He moved towards a random door that should open to someone's hotel suite. In fact, Lucas thought as he followed his 'spirit guide', the door shouldn't even open at all. _

_Of course, it did._

_--_

_Most guys would probably see this as a blessing. A sort of, heaven on earth experience: Twenty or so flustered cheerleaders and posse were crammed into a small apartment modeling and tweaking various, mostly revealing, outfits._

_"What the—"_

"BROOKE!!"

_Lucas leapt out of the way just in time to avoid the onslaught of a screeching Bevin._

"What? What Bevin, what is it?" A frantic looking Brooke ran to meet her frazzled friend half way. Bevin held up a bulging mass of material that resembled a diagram of something out of biology class.

"BEVIN!"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry! It's just that Rover and Jessica started doing this adorkable little dance an—"

"I don't care! Jus—just make another one." Bevin nodded nervously before dashing away to do as she was told.

_Lucas watched the girl he once loved—his recently renewed girlfriend at the time—look around wearily at the chaos surrounding her._

"I can't do this."

"Of course you can't. People like you aren't destined to 'do things', Brooke." She glared at the red head who always seemed to pop up whenever Brooke was at her lowest; if only to push her down just a little more.

"Shut up, Rachel."

"Ohhhh! Nazi bitch has bite. What's the matter? Still upset your boyfriend is off on a road trip with his ex-lover instead of here helping you?"

"Are you spying on me, or something?" Rachel gave a non-commental shrug.

"I just find it odd that a guy would run off with his ex mistress the same day he gets back with the girl he's supposedly madly in love with."

"And I find it odd that you're so interested in my love life. If Lucas wouldn't touch you when you were completely naked—twice, then I don't think even a designer dress is gonna help you any."

Rachel scowled. "Whatever. These designs suck anyway." And she rushed passed the brunette, slamming the door on her way out.

_As soon as the door slammed shut, Lucas watched as Brooke's bitchy exterior faded into one of insecurity. She fingered her pink razar cell phone, looking down at it as though internally fighting a battle. Letting out a crushing sigh she shoved it back into her pocket. This time, when she looked up, Lucas barley saw the light that he was so used to getting lost in. Her gaze was cold, almost hollow, livid. _

"People, MOVE IT!" her powerful scream could probably be heard across the neighbourhood.

_Keith walked up to a silently contemplating Lucas._

_"Why are you showing me this, Keith?" his voice was hollow, robotic. Void of the storm of emotions whirling around inside him._

_But Keith chose to ignore that question._

_"Hey did you actually go with Peyton to see Ellie?"_

_"Keith!"_

_"Just answer the question." Lucas groaned._

_"No. I just rode with her." Keith stared blankly at him for a long moment._

_"Huh." Was all he said before starting towards the door._

_"What? Oh, come on. She needed my support to get there." Keith turned back and pointedly looked around the chaotic atmosphere. Brooke's worn out voice could be heard in the background._

_"Right. Support."_

_"Hey. Wait a minute. That's not fair. Keith--Keith wait!" Lucas seethed in frustration before sprinting the short distance to the door to follow his disappearing uncle_

_"Keith, listen to m—" as soon as he swung the door open, he found himself inside a dark and secluded stairway. Heads of teenagers swaying to the beat of music only found in the confines of Tric could be seen just above the edge. Lucas saw Keith staring at the upper floor expectantly._

_"Keith, listen to me. I didn't know that Brooke needed my help, alright? She didn't tell me but—"_

_"Peyton did, I know." Lucas frowned. He didn't like the tone Keith was using: like it was a tired argument everyone was sick of hearing. He took in a deep breath to try and calm himself._

_It didn't work._

_"What the hell are we doing here, anyway?"_

_"You're about to find out." He nodded towards the top of the stairway just as an exhausted looking Brooke came down._

Brooke sat down on the middle step and started sipping her alcohol. It was a pitiful sight, really: her hair lopsided and her eyes so downcast; she looked so defeated.

_"What's wr—"_

"Brooke?" Lucas was cut off by Haley's frantic whispers.

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you."

"You'd be the only one." Brooke mumbled more to herself than Haley.

"What're you—are you drinking? Brooke, what if somebody sees you?"

"What does it matter, Haley?" she sounded so drained. "All of Tree Hill thinks I'm a slut. Lucas thinks I'm giving birth to Chris Keller II, and my gossipy roommate thinks I'd make a terrible mother. And you know what? She's right."

_Lucas clenched his jaw. He knew Rachel was the one who spread the rumors about Brooke's pregnancy, but he never thought she'd put Brooke down like that. They were supposed to be friends. She was all Brooke was left with._

_"I gotta say, Luke. I never expected you to be so insensitive."_

_"Shut up, Keith. You know she did sleep with Chris." Honestly, Lucas though Keith should be lecturing the backstabbing redhead._

_"And you really think it was the best thing to bring up when she could be, potentially, carrying your child?"_

_Lucas deflated, really wishing the dream would be over already. _

_"She wasn't." _

_Keith sighed. __"Let me ask you this, then. Why did you go straight to Peyton after?"_

_"What does that have to do with anything?" Keith directed a blank stare at his son. _

_Lucas sighed. "She was upset, okay? She looked like she was about to cry when she told me about Brooke's pregnancy." He closed his eyes, Peyton's broken hearted plea for him to go still reverberating in his mind. _

_"And you didn't think that Brooke needed just a little bit of support?" His tone was purposefully sarcastic, incredulous. There is no way this was the man he'd raised. _

_"Look, you weren't there alright? You didn't see how coldly she looked at me; like she hated me, Keith. She fucking **hated** me. She wouldn't have talked to me even if I stuck around." His tone was defensive, but it didn't hide the hurt vibration hidden within his words. _

_"You could have at least tried, Luke." This time, his words were gentle, sarcasm hadn't proven to be much of an asset anyway. He watched as his son tightened his jaw, and turned to look at the stairs that his ex-love still occupied. _

Haley looked at her worst enemy turned best friend with sympathy. She'd done so much for Haley without asking for anything in return. She knew that letting Brooke take on the rumours of the pregnancy would be hard on her, but she never imagined how utterly alone it would make her feel.

"I can't be pregnant anymore, Haley." She whispered and Haley could almost hear her heart break. She sighed and hugged the sulking brunette lightly.

"Come on, Tigger, I'll take you home." Brooke shook her head as Haley tried to help her stand, wobbling from the force of the hard liquor on her balance. She plopped ungracefully back on the step.

"No." She sighed "I'll be fine. You go and...do baby stuff_." _Haley looked at her, worry evident on her face. "I'll take a cab, I promise. Go." She gave the blonde a small, but genuine, smile. It felt good to be cared for.

Haley sighed. "Alright, but you call me if you need anything." Her tone was definite, leaving no room for argument. Brooke smiled greatfully and waited till her best friend ascended the stairs.

_She'd turned back towards her half emptied cup. Let out a defeated sigh as if she'd expected to find all her answers in the cool bronze liquid. Lucas kept watching her, just staring, and it seemed as if time had stalled._

Brooke whipped the cup and its contents at the plain wall in front of her. She took a deep breath, let it out. Took another. She stared blankly at the spilled contents for a moment, before standing up--tall, proud--and left.

_"She didn't look upset." Lucas said quietly as he watched his depressed Cheery stumble on her way up the stairs. _

_"She didn't..." and his pained whisper echoed as the lines around him shifted._

_Regret? __Yeah, that was more like it._

_--_

And not to pull your **_h a l o_** down,  
Around **_your neck and tug  
_**You off your c l o u d .

_...The Noose_

**TBC**

Yeah, so it sucked. There was like, 3 more scenes in the original, but I found the whole chapter pretty much sucked shards of glass after that point. Anyways, hope you liked it. And review...if you're still with me.

Warning: Some Peyton bitterness slipped into here...

I know that I made Lucas out to be a little bit of an insensitive and desperately ignorant ass in this chapter but it's not unfounded. He DID act like and idiot for most of the 3rd season and some part of s1. HOWEVER, I dont think it was really the core of his personality. Its rather interesting, but while writing this story I've developed a new sense of respect for Lucas that I honestly never had except in early S1 and s2. So don't think this is going to end up being an anti-Lucas/pro-Girl story like some of the Brucas/Pucas stories out there are like. ) I also tried to show that Brooke wasn't exactly all innocent in their rift in this chapter, so I hope some of you caught it. I have my own theory of why Brooke never completely opened up to him you'll see it in the upcoming chapters and I really believe that Lucas' perception of Brooke being the intriguing-yet-cheerful persona with a happy life is the reason why he's always so oblivious to her pain. Its the same reason why he's always so alert with Peyton's crap. From the beginning she was the tortured soul, walking around like death and pretending to be misunderstood and all that jazz, and so its always in Lucas' head that she's like that. Think about it, he's oblivious to anyone elses pain unless they spell it out for him like Peyton does. Its not his fault, its normal. Man, screw IR, i'm switching to psych! (smug smile)

R&R!

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